Bolt's early years will likely go undocumented. After all,
his story could go back to the beginnings of time when he was nothing more than
a vein of iron. We can surmise some aspects of his life by his appearance: at some point he was forged into a bolt, he
served a good life holding together some critical parts, and his
career ended when his parts were torn asunder by a cutting torch, leaving him
scarred and marred.
We can't say how he came into the possession of Dale
"Warchild" Wilson but we do know that he came into my possession on
July 20th, of 2012 at the Cognoscente’s
"End of Days – Zombie Apocalypse" (EODZA) pre rally banquet.
I
begin my story there.
I was awarded possession of "Bolt" because
Warchild deemed that a question I asked was beneath the intellect of a
participant of a Cognoscente event. My job was to honor and protect
"Bolt" until he was returned at the next Cognoscente event. I took my
role seriously.
We had been warned to practice our knife throwing and
shooting for the EODZA because the Zombies would be out in full force during
this event. That was sage advice and I’m glad I took it to heart. In the wee
hours of July 22nd things began to go south at the old mining town
of Ruth , NV
I’m not sure who I felt more sorrow for, Bolt for being amongst
the Zombies, or me for having to account to Warchild for the missing bolt. I
decided that time would heal all wounds (or wound all heels) so I kept the
story of Bolt’s kidnapping to myself.
The delay paid off. Imagine my surprise when I get a
phone call from Bolt. It seems the Zombies had carried him to their lair south
of the border where they held him captive. Some time thereafter a group of
Wiccan’s raided the Zombie camp and completely wiped them out of their gruesome
existence. They rescued bolt and took him into their care.
His call was to ask for money. He had designs on a young
witch but felt that his deformed appearance would prevent him from making any
headway with her. I sent him some funds to visit a machine shop to get rid of
the worst of his scarring and marring.
It must have paid off because not long after he called
again. The witch was quite enamored with him and he felt like he could make
some headway if only he had some nuts. To assuage my guilt over having lost
Bolt in the first place I sent even more funds for this operation.
I never hear from Bolt again, but as the Poison rally
approached I knew I’d have to get him to come home or I would have to answer to Warchild as to his whereabouts. I contacted him and he
refused to return. He was in a serious relationship with the witch and was
talking about the head she was giving him when I cut him off, I didn't care to hear about his sex life. I said; “If you
don’t come back, I’ll have to send Warchild after you.”
That did the trick. It seems that Zombies and Wiccan's and witch sex are no
match for the ire of Warchild. He promised to return in time to make the trip
to Ely.
But when he showed up at my doorstep I was taken aback. I
didn’t expect to see a Wiccan.
His major deformities were gone, he had a big set of brass
nuts, but most disconcerting was the goat head! I now understood what he was
talking about when he said his witch was giving him head.
Bolt was not happy about being away from his witch. I tried to cheer him up. I took him to visit a temple but he fussed that it wasn’t Wiccan.
I took him to the pool but he said swimming would tarnish
his image.
He didn’t like lazing at the pool because he said it made
his nuts hot.
I took him to visit the family but he tried to put a spell
on the dog.
He was not a happy camper and his neverending demands were making
my life miserable. I even had to kowtow to him on the required bone for the
Poison rally. He said he wouldn’t ride to Ely without something to remind
him of his Wiccan girlfriend and that’s how I ended up with the goat skull with
a Wiccan pentagram on it.
So that's the Life of Bolt from 2012 to 2014. Some other poor soul will have to continue on from here. I don’t envy him at all.
